change? what change?

Aside from the quality of the photographs nothing has changed. Is this positive? Decide for yourselves. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0q0apw585c...the same thing is happening currently in New Square, New York, http://failedmessiah.typepad.com/failed_messiahcom/2011/06/new-square-victim-to-file-lawsuit-monday-against-skvere-rebbe-123.html

Poland cira 1920

United States, 2004

CSG

This photo reminded me of CSG's security

It has come to my attention that the Community Security Group (CSG) is using unsecured phone lines. I am shocked and appalled. They charge Melbourne shules over half a million dollars a year for volunteer security and yet they still use unsecured phone lines.

oh how relationships have changed...

...or have they? Shadchanim have been doing the breaking-up since halacha swung to the right.

The exodus was one long bnei hike, flirting with the girl you like.

Late last week, scholars published a study claiming that men and women worked together to bake matzot during their sojourn from Egypt. This has caused outrage in orthodox communities world wide for they claim that Moshe Rabbanu would have never allowed such behavior in the camp of Israel. The scholars pointed to the known fact that the Israelites were on the 49th level of impurity, "mixed baking was the least of Moshe's problems" stated Michal Banderwitz. 

According to the 'Jewish Weekly Polls' (JWP) the claim of religious Jews making matzah whilst working with women has overtaken the outrage caused by the laffa matzah scandal. 

The CSG in conjunction with the CSG would like to wish everyone a chag kasher v'sameach and would like to leave you with some food for thought.

1. Was the CSG behind the kidnapping of Adolph Eichmann from Argentina?

2. For the all teenagers out there, contrary to what you believe, pornography was not invented by your generation, see below. 

Prague Haggadah of 1526

I'm starting another Zionist organisation

The 'Community Security Group' (CSG) has recently signed a contract with the Australian Defence Force (ADF) to act as a private security contractor in Afghanistan. This has caused outrage in the community simply because the CSG is failing to protect the Jews in Australia on a weekly basis. 

The 'Council of Orthodox Synagogues in Victoria' (COSV) is sending a board member to Afghanistan with the CSG security contrators to make sure that they keep shabbat properly and daven in an orthodox synagogue while deployed overseas. 

Due to the move by COSV, 'Kosher Australia' (KA) has announced that they intend to send a mashgiach to supervise the cooking and check the fruit and vegetables for insects. Unlike COSV, KA has refused to pay for their representative and claim that the CSG is indebted to them for the high standard of kashrut. In turn the CSG has approached another kashrut organisation  'Kosher v'Yosher' (KVY) to act as a mashgiach for their overseas security mission. KVY has welcomed this opportunity with open arms and stated that "their aim is to open kashrut for the masses, regardless of cost." 

In recent days, there has been a falling out between these organisations. KA filed for bankruptcy. COSV has widened the definition of orthodoxy. The CSG is in Afghanistan and KVY is laughing. 

The 'State Zionist Council' (SZC) released a statement in conjunction with the 'Zionist Federation of Australia' (ZFA) stating that they are disappointed in the CSG's decision to help the cause in Afghanistan. Rather, they would have like to have seen the CSG help out with Israel's delicate security situation. The ZFA is currently not communicating the SZC for publishing a letter without the approval of the ZFA. The ZFA argued that the statement "may or may not have represented their views. The 'Australian Zionist Youth Council' (AZYC) stated that the ZFA "should get over themselves and ultimately our communal Zionist ideals should prevail over petty differences." The 'Zionist Youth Council' (ZYC) felt that the AZYC was out of place in commenting on the relationship between the ZFA and SZC. 

Mediation is now taking place between the ZFA, SCZ and AZYC. This is facilitated by the "Jewish Community Council of Victoria' (JCCV). 

Next week: Jewish Education. JNF, UJEB, all the Mt Scopus campuses, Bnei: PPBBQ, MnM, LnE, BAWC and BASC just to mention a few.

Israelestine!

Over the past few days there has been a question floating around Facebook, 'who do you prefer, Israel or Palestine?' There has been numerous comments by supporters of both 'sides' stating that it should not be 'us' and 'them'. 

I agree. 

Today, I was asked whether I prefer an apple or an orange. I could not answer, I ate both. Why does it have to be apples and oranges? My wish is to unify the two, hence appanges and Israelestine.

Too frum for school

I am glad I missed the world premiere

I had noticed recently that I had been becoming 'frumer'. This is strange since I never become 'frumer'. I am centrist sliding left. I started to analyse my life, and find out what was the cause of my 'frumness'. Initially, I thought it was my study of the law of torts, every time I study I think back to my fond memories of learning Bava Basra. 

It was not that.

Then I thought I was eating too many products covered by Melbourne Kosher or Kosher Australia, they keep changing their name...very elusive, but I will get them someday. 

That was not it either. 

Last week, I had heard a rumor that Aish HaTorah had bought the radio station 'Triple J', 'Jewish, Jews and Judaica'. They had been disseminating their religious dogma subversively. Subconsciously I was becoming more close-minded. I started wearing more black (regardless of the fact they were skinny jeans) and covering my head with a hat during davening and brachos. It felt like I was going through puberty again...new things were happening...I felt butterflies in my stomach and awkwardness around the opposite sex. I was caught saying tehillim in my bedroom...what an embarrassing moment. It is worse than being caught...you know...playing...it's not loshon noki, I am still going through my frum stage, because one's soul is being poured out all over the table not just one's phallus. 

Don't be too frum, Aish HaTorah style. Not cool. 

Did someone wink?

Ultra-Orthodox newspaper Hamodia has refused to run an ad of the Osem food company due to the model's "mischievous eyes". The ad was prepared as part of an advertising campaign for the company's new pretzel snack. It shows a haredi man winking as he hands the snack to the readers.

This is a complete overreaction. After studying the photo, I cannot see a wink. It can be deduced that the haredim are simply scared of the bright colours. 

A source linked to the newspaper explained that the sight of an adult man winking does not match Hamodia's educational line. "A secular wouldn't understand," he argued. "Our newspaper is first of all an educational tool. The wink, along with the position of the presenter holding the snack in his hand, is unacceptable. "We expect a grownup person to provide a more educational example, to sit and read a book or something. In the past the newspaper used the same claims to reject an ad showing a person drinking coke." 

Moreover, the source added, the newspaper loses NIS 30,000 a month due to its insistence not to publish the word "computer". What tzaddikim! With frimmer yidden like these the moshiach will come in our days.

Some food for thought

This piece of art is on display in the Museum of Old and New Art (MONA) in Hobart, Tasmania. It is a place where ancient Egyptian tombs sit alongside rotting animal carcasses and a Madonna karaoke machine. It contains the truly bizarre. The picture below is one of the art works contained at MONA. 

My initial thought was that the artist was illustrating that stone throwing and violence is an integral part of Islam, fundamental to the religion. However, on second thoughts it occurred to me that it was possible that the artist was illustrating that stone throwing and violence has been artificially implanted into the religion. What led me to this conclusion was the rough cutout where the stone was sitting. 

What do you think?

Flashes from the dark

A friend of mine began a blog. This is what he has to say.

"This blog was designed to explore the hidden side of humanity through art. As the study of and creative preoccupation with beauty, art is something I've long struggled with. I thought it fundamentally if not blatantly vain and therefore devoid of any substantive value. Indeed, like vanity in general, I regarded it as positively dangerous. At the same time, I've always found myself drawn to art with the bright eyes and excitement of a much better person. This fostered quite a tension as I felt intellectually and morally compelled to reject art while being viscerally and intuitively inclined to embrace it.

It was only recently that I succeeded in balancing this equation, in finding a happy medium where dichotomy becomes duality. Beauty, I've come to conclude, is only superficially vain (this may well constitute a whimsical type of recursion, but I believe it the truth nonetheless), holding a well of fantastic meaning just below its surface. Beauty, I now believe, is a form of communication.

This is easiest to see in art, where the beauty is the deliberate expression of the artist. Inevitably there will be a message communicated through its beauty and a meaning that underlies it. This can be more difficult to see in natural beauty, but without invoking a creator and his/her teleological message I will defend my position by referring to the response natural beauty evokes in its viewer. It is a sort of cosmological introspection when deep and inflective emotions are aroused in the self-assembled cells that previously embodied distant nebulae. These emotions are of course our reaction to natural beauty and give voice to the thoughts of the subconscious. In doing so, beauty becomes communication - flashes of meaning (perhaps personal, perhaps universal, perhaps intrinsic and transcendental, and perhaps a superimposed invention) from the vast darkness of existence.

In this sense, this blog is devoted to revealing the under-received and under-realized communications floating all around us. It is a tribute of sorts to the unseen museum next-door. I hope to post here the works of myself and my friends. Our most meaningful expressions of self that nobody knows."

Additionally, I will be posting my photographic work, simply, the photos I like on his blog, yes, I enjoy being pretentious. 

'Flashes from the Dark' has it all, humor; poetry and prose. 

http://flashesfromthedark.blogspot.com/

Real Original. (a great name for a fresh juice brand)

Parents in Jerusalem rallied on Sunday against the haredi separation barrier built between secular and religious kindergartens. The parents of children who attend Pashosh kindergarten in Kiryat Hayovel protested against the separation fence established between the secular kindergarten and the haredi kindergarten Etz Hadaat next door.

It does not stop there. Separate buses, trams, benches. There is even a separation barrier in between the men and women at the synagogue! What has the Jewish world come to.

History repeats itself.

Rabbi Yankel Meir Geisserhacht, a controversial figure both in the haredi and Modern Orthodox worlds is in the process of reformulating the Nuremberg Laws to make them applicable to the non-haredi sector.

I do not know how to react...Abstinence is Awesome?

The Orthodox Union (OU) has begun an 'Abstinence is Awesome' website. It is nice to see that an orthodox body has finally admitted to the existence of sexual urges among teenagers. But is the webpage really necessary? 

Judaism has traditionally run away from anything remotely connected to Christianity, but now, we have adopted the Christians way of dealing with sexually promiscuous teenagers. 

Check out both the OU and Christian webpages below. 

http://www.ou.org/abstinence/index/C509

http://www.surfinthespirit.com/teens/whyabstinence.html

Convinced? 

Real practical...

To me, books like 'Living With Moshiach' have no place on one's Jewish bookshelf. It is simply not practical and pure speculation (on that note, half the masechtot we learn are not practical today but for some emotional connection I would leave them on the shelves. They do have a place on the Jewish bookshelf). I would have no problem if it became the sequel or prequel to 'Lord of the Rings' or 'Harry Potter'.  

What bothers me most about this genre is that Jewish publishing houses have taken complex Jewish concepts which very few people understand and comprehend and publishe short books, aimed at people who are less fluent in Jewish texts in order to bring them closer to Judaism. 

For all those atheists out there, I would also poke fun at the book 'The Way of God' but I cannot laugh at Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto, the prominent Italian Jewish rabbi, kabbalist, and philosopher.

Tuna from a mermaid, deep loving sigh.

‘Sirena Tuna’ available in Australia has been covered by the OU in America for the past few years. However, in shocking news ‘OU’ has decided to withdraw their hecsher. When approached Rabbi Eli Gutenburg of the ‘OU’ kashrut division stated that any good standing kashrut authority would not cover such tuna simply because of the non-tznius image on the top of the tuna.

The spokesman for Sirena tuna, David Huxley responded, “that the image is stepped in tradition and mysticism. We do not question your Jewish customs and nitpicking behavior into our cooking and packaging process so not question our image and secondly halachikly all that is considered erva is covered.” This last remark took the Jewish world by surprise due to the fact that Mr Huxley is an atheist, subsequently the assumption being that he did not understand religion let alone halacha.

The chief rabbi of ‘Kosher Australia,’ Rabbi Yaakov Weissgarden has deemed ‘Sirena Tuna’ not to be kosher because of the misleading packaging. Rabbi Weissgarden claimed that simple Jews might think that the tuna, which they are eating, comes from a mermaid that has never, throughout history, been kosher. This, in Rabbi Weissgarden’s opinion would cause the majority of Jews who do not have expert knowledge of kashrut to buy mermaid meat that is unquestionably trief.

Rabbi Weissgarden has also pointed to the Trade Practices Act 1978 section 52, misleading and deceptive conduct. Many have disregarded this argument as another rabbi touching on subject matter out of area of expertise in an attempt to prove his point. 

Whatever Works

Rabbis have announced that from the start of the new Jewish year, men and women will not halachikly be allowed to be buried one next to another.  Rabbi Yaakov Meir Zelig surmised these rabbis’ opinions by stating, “every year we strive to become better yidden, this is something that must change. What sort of message are we sending to our children to allow such behavior. Personally, I feel like a hypocrite when telling my son not to sit next a lady on the bus whilst planning on being buried next to my wife! What will I respond if my son realizes this hypocrisy. What could I say?”

Rabbi Yechiel Neiserschmidt has a differing of opinion. In his sefer Kodesh Ha’bayis V’chu”tz, with haskomos from some of the greatest gedolim of our generation, he claims that not only religion on earth has moved to the right but also Olam Habah, which traditionally has always been a mixed event has become separate.

Modern Orthodox rabbis strongly contend this reasoning. They claim that there is no issue of ichud and shomer negia regarding souls. A soul is not bound by the rules of human nature, subsequently allowing the soul access to any room, nook or cranny irrregardless of walls and doors. Due to the fact that these primary issues regarding mixed societies do not exists olam habah will continue to operate as a ‘mixed society.’

In opposition to this Rabbi Yechiel Neiserschmidt and the haredim have threatened to pull out of the existing olam habah and create their own paradise with rabbinic supervision, separate seating and glatt kosher meals. 

A study conducted…

A study conducted by the Agency for Jewish Continuity reported last week that a Modern Orthodox girl or female in general is more likely to receive a reply by swearing whilst walking past a haredi male on Shabbat rather than saying Good Shabbos or Shabbat Shalom.

Immediately after the haredim were informed of this factually proven scenario they held a melaveh malkah in honor of the commitment the yidden have shown in this time of adversity. Rabbi Yechiel Teichmansell announced, “that we, as true authentic yidden are closer than ever in bringing the moshiach. May we continue in reducing conversations with women and hopefully one day, through technology be able to reduce conversations with the female gender altogether.”

According to an anonymous source, Modern Orthodox rabbis are preparing to release a pesak halacha banning men from replying to Good Shabbos or Shabbat Shalom from women on the street. It must be made clear that this is not due to a halchik consideration but rather to gain acceptance in the haredi world. 

It's the bane of organisations, politicians and governments around the world. It's WikiLeaks.

This wanted poster was disseminated by the supposed
head of the CSG, Amit Bar Giora. 

Earlier this month the Jewish community pulled out support for Julian Assage and Wikileaks. The Jewish community had always supported Julian Assange and his tirade against the West’s diplomatic and governmental secrecy.  However, in a drastic turn of events the Jewish community has withdrawn support, going as far as to condemn Assange of treason.

In many Jewish communities around the world an ad-hoc security team has been set up to tackle the many dangers the community faces on a daily, weekly and yearly basis. The counter-terrorism team that supposedly protects the community in Melbourne is known as the Community Security Group (CSG). There is limited information surrounding the formation and daily running of this group. There have been anonymous claims that they work in tandem with the Australian Federal Police in preventing security threats and terror attacks. Many of the tactical operations that have been attributed to them are speculative. Until recently no one had seen a single document or shred of evidence pointing to the CSG’s existence.

Wikileaks has begun releasing documents pointing to the existence of the CSG. How they received these documents is questionable but now Julian Assange claimed (‘The Age’, Tuesday 4 January 2011) that his life is in danger.

People are now accusing founder and writer of the ‘Communal Satire Group’ for leaking the documents to Wikileaks. When interviewed, the founder of the Communal Satire Group responded that he has “no problem leaking JCCV and COSV diplomatic cables, however regarding issues of national security I refuse to disclose what I personally know to be true.”

Some might call this an advertisement

I have been criticized for not disseminating Torah on this blog. I am often told that I have disenfranchised certain people from religious Judaism. This has now changed.

A number of people created a website, albeit clean and appropriate, for the one and only Rabbi James Kennard, www.rabbikennard.com. I recommend his shiurim and commend him on the work he has done for Mt Scopus, the community and Bnei Akiva.

I wonder how long it will take for other Rabbis in various communities to create their own websites. In my opinion, it's only a matter of time.    

Please Hashem, I do all the correct sgulot with kavanah and yet I am still single, please help. On the other hand, maybe I’m not davening hard enough.

Recently I have noticed an increase of girls changing their Facebook profile pictures from individual shots of themselves to photos of themselves with either brides on their wedding day or newlyweds. At first I thought this was a standard change, as in a regular photo change to include a new friend or a salute to an old one. However, after some research into this phenomenon I realized that there was more behind it.

Numerous sgulaot regarding marriage have become popular over the past few years.

Akin to the practice of dipping one's fingers into the post extinguishment wine and dabbing it over the eyes (for healthy vision), the forehead (for seichel, wisdom) or the pockets (for parnassa, livelihood), a single girl dips her fingertip into the wine and dabs in on her left ring finger, in the hopes that it will be a segulah that a real ring should find its way there soon.

A more popular sgulah is where girls and a number of boys do not sit at the corner of the table or they will stay single forever.

The sgulot do not end there. Now, if one changes their facebook profile picture to include a bride or newlywed, marriage will occur within the year. This ‘sgulah’ has caused much division and animosity within the orthodox world.

Rabbi Yitzchok Meir Zeiglewasser, writes that because Internet and computers are assur min hatoroh it is impossible for the Facebook profile picture to be a sgulah, rather it is an avairah which would subsequently end up in a life of singlehood, “rather a child not be brought into the world, than a child brought up in the home of Facebook.”

In response to this Mark Zuckerberg sued.

The old adage sums the issue of sgulot up nicely. A man who had trouble in his marriage, complained to his rabbi: "It says that folding the tallit immediately after havdalah is a sgulah for shalom bayit. I always do it, yet, it does not help." The rabbi answered: " I have a better sgulah for you. After havdalah, roll up your sleeves and go wash the dishes." 

artscroll...

This came up when I typed in 'ArtScroll' on 'Google Images'. I
had to stay faithful.

The following is a run down of all the ArtScroll Rebbe biographies.

(Gadol X) came from a lineage of (state yichus), finished Tanach by the time he was (number under 6), mishnayos by the time he was (under 8), shas by the time he was (under 12), already caught the attention of (gedolim A,B,C ad nauseum) by the time he was bar mitzvahed, already writing teshovot by the time he was (under 15), married off to the daughter of (one of gedolim).

It is the same story rehashed. The basic difference between, say, Rav Yaakov Kaminetsky, The Steipler Ga’on, and Rav Moshe Feinstein according to ArtScroll is the details of where they were born, the specific yichus they had, what yeshiva they learned in, what community they served, and what family they married in to. Otherwise, same story. In real life, all three of the examples above had different personalities and lives, not to mention challenges.

You cannot forget...that (gadol X) would make a bracha before nursing and gave the dvar Torah at his own bris.

(This was adapted from the comments on www.frumsatire.net)

Where does the truth lie?

The coat of arms of the priestly Rapaport family first appeared as a colophon at the end of Avraham Menachem Rapa of Porto’s Mincha Belulah (Verona, 1594). Instead of a motto, a banner proclaimed the author’s name above and below the shield which featured a pair of hands raised in priestly benediction in the upper half, while below was depicted a crow on a branch, a reference to the author’s family name. The shield is flanked by two heraldic ‘supporters’. The ‘supporters’ feature two female torsos rampant facing away from the shield. They are nude from the waist up.

It was by no means rare to encounter nude women in Hebrew books between the sixteenth and the early eighteenth centuries, even prominently displayed on the covers. Nevertheless, nowadays such nudity proves unsettling to the Orthodox public.

The coat of arms clearly shows two topless women. This cannot be mistaken. However, when Mincha Belulah was reprinted the ‘supporters’ were modestly transgendered and piously rendered with beards! 

I am looking forward to the reprint. Black hats will most definitely feature and potentially streimels. One question still remains, why aren’t the ‘supporters’ wearing tzitzus and a yarmulke?

When interviewed, Rav Aaron Lichtenstein was offended by the fact that the ‘supporters’ were given beards. He responded, “I know that Judaism today is summed up by the size of one’s hat and length of one’s beard but look at me, I am clean shaven and whose daughter did I marry?” Rav Lichtenstein was referencing the fact that he is married to Rav Yosef Dov Soloveitchik’s daughter, the seminal figure of Modern Orthodox Judaism.

skinnies are banned. am i really breaking another halacha?

In the shidduch world jeans have always been considered unacceptable, however now for the first time Modern Orthodox rabbis have stated that skinny jeans are now assur for they go against the laws of tzniut.

According to Rav Tzion Amichai, skinny jeans are so tight subsequently causing girls to know the religion of the boys which they are looking at. In response to this Rabbi Elad Speiro forcefully stated that skinny jeans are assur but not because of girls noticing which religion the boy belongs to but rather due to the hashkafa behind the jeans.

Rabbi Elad Speiro furthers his argument by stating that “skinny jeans represents an anti-establishment attitude…a boy who wears skinny jeans would rather listen to indie-goyishe music than learn Torah…this must be stopped.”

Unfortunately, you will not be able to find skinny jeans with a hechsher on them anymore. The frummer society becomes the more shapeless our clothes become.

Even though Rabbi Elad Speiro, frowns on skinny jeans I would like to write that I wore skinny jeans in Yeshivat Har Etzion for a number of months without a single comment from the rabbanim. Unlike all the other talmidim at Gush I will not pretend that I was close to Rav Aaron Lichtenstein but I am sure he saw me and my jeans in the corridors of Gush. 

The truth eventually comes out

It is an indisputable fact that people enjoy touching each other. Many of us pretend we are asexual, yet when push comes to shove that is incorrect.  We all want others to think that we do not touch the opposite sex.  A girl who wants to remain anonymous told me there is something seductive about sitting around in a circle of girls talking about what it would to be like to touch a man with a 5 o’clock shadow in the most forbidden places. They all pretend to be speaking from their own personal fantasies, however in reality they are talking from experience.

This secret cannot be kept forever. There are a number of telltale signs regarding whether a girl or for that matter a boy is shomer negia or not.

During the beginning of a relationship, the girl will constantly confide in her friends. Such discussions include the yearning and longing for the touch of their ‘oh so cute frummy bnei-boy boyfriend’ who also layns on shabbat, learns ten times a week and wears his adorable little kippa on the side of his head. A few days later BOOM! The complaints cease! It may not be apparent to those of us who are absent minded. However, if you know someone well enough yet not so much that they will actually tell you that they are getting some, it becomes quite apparent when the thirst for the ‘magic touch’ has been quenched.

This is not the only sign of whether a couple is shomer negia. To see this sign one must wait until the wedding.  Right after the chuppah the photos in which the couples touch for the ‘first time’ takes place. Depending on how comfortable the couple is together while touching for the ‘first time’ is the litmus test of whether they have been touching all along.  

I hope your first touch was as wonderful as you thought to would be. As the image illustrates touch but do not tell.